hotel room ftw
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
