Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
