where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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