Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
