Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
