You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
