i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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