wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
