I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
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Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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