i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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