well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.