I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.