I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
