even my farts smell like vagina
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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