It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am spending my child support on dildos
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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