3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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