the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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