they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize