I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
