I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
