He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
