Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
