Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize