I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
