I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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