Duck Duck Cougar?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got inside last night via doggy door
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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