that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
