woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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