You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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