I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
