Porn is love you can see.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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