dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.