If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"