peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr