people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break