it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.