just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch