so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
