I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.