I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
