Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
