Your tits are I can't wait for
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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