I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
