What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
