I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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