I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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