i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
