Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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