could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She bit a glass in half.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
