Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
