A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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