Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
