i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can I color on your dick again?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
