1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
