remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
