I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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