I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
