Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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