We tried having a conversation with our noses.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
