it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
