If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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