thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
