why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
