quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize