you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
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Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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