I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
