Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
