you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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