Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
