Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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