I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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