Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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