Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
