I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
